Monday, March 5, 2012

Flowers are Totally Overrated.

While this may be on some folks wish list:

Ok, who died?

... they've never really been on mine. 

I don't mean the bouquets you buy on the bi-monthly Costco trips, or the flowers your friends bring you as a hostess gift when you invite them over; those are great.  Those are reasonably priced and usually last at least a week and they look and smell wonderful while you've got them in your house.   I'm not a monster, of course I like flowers; especially outside - I've been planning my 2012 flower beds since last September.

I'm talking about arrangements like the picture; the kind of flowers that Sparks Florist and 1-800-Flowers makes a living on.  The kind you get on your birthday or anniversary or one of those pesky Hallmark-inspired fake holidays Valentine's Day.  To me, expensive flowers are good only for funerals.   Yes, really.  This last Valentine's, we celebrated with take-out Thai food, and we picked out our own "gifts" on our monthly Costco trip.  It was all flowers-and-candy-free.  I mean, I've got approximately 471 vases in different sizes and colors, and how much knowledge, really, does it take to stick flowers in a vase? 

Granted, Red Beard has gotten me flowers before.  He surprised me with some really cool dark purple daisies that he'd seen at the grocery store, and just happened to think that purple daisies reminded him of me (because I'm so cool and dark, right?).  

What you don't see is the huge mess of stems and petals and leaves and water all over my kitchen.  Eh, whatever. 
 And once in awhile he'll grab a bouquet on his way home from work when we've got people coming over for dinner.

But then he started getting creative and showing off a little, about just how well he really knows me, and bringing home anything BUT flowers:
  • Sparkly pink flamingo Christmas ornaments
  • Three Olives Vanilla Vodka  
  • 12 year old Powers Irish Whiskey
  • Fireball Whisky (it's like melted red hots)
  • Red spray paint (I was feeling crafty)
  • Cup hooks (long story)
  • Firewood (be still my heart!)
  • Catnip mice for Wonder Kitten
  • Vietnamese chicken salad from Golden Flower
  • Potting soil 
  • Vintage Ball jars (with the glass lids)
  • Old leather-bound books (Charles Dickens and Louisa May Alcott)
  • Batteries
  • New baking dishes
  • A pony (okay okay, an adorable hand-blown blue glass seahorse.  Still, HORSE)
And most recently he took a little side trip to Trader Joe's on the way home:

Isn't someone a smarty?

  •  8 jars of Organic Tomato Basil Marinara (yes, I can make my own, but why?  This is an awesome base)
  • Baby heirloom tomatoes  (because I like cute food)
  • Sweet potato fries (Trader Joe's store brand, from the freezer section - awesome with chili powder and cinnamon)
  • Grinder of smoked sea salt  (ooooooh, it defies explanation)
  • Sweet chili sauce
  • Thai peanut sauce (because I've been attempting more Asian foods lately)

Sure, it all has to do with me cooking for him, but that's okay.  I like to cook.  Now if he was bringing home laundry soap and a new mop, he'd have a mutiny on his hands. 

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