Looking Back (To Move Forward)

In cleaning up some social media clutter, and preparing to re-enter the blogosphere with a bit of a re-boot to my beloved 3rd Generation Food Pusher, I came across a blog I wrote but never published.  It dates back to the holiday season of 2009, about ten months before I met Red Beard.  I was just starting to like the idea of blogging, and was going to post some practice pieces to my Facebook page, to get some feedback.

Daffy-dills & Flamingos; 2 of my favorite things ever.

I knew I was coming out of some dark times but I didn't realize just how far I'd come until I re-read it.  My ankle still gets angry by the way, I thought it had only been 3 years, not 4, since I had injured it:

As I look around at the things of all sizes that I'm thankful for this holiday season, I can't help but notice the glaring difference between where I'm at now versus where I was at a year ago. 

Last year, it was all about dealing with obligations and trying to gather the courage to sever ties with vile and poisonous people.  I didn't have a lot of fun.  I spent weekends with my parents.  Now, don't get me wrong, I love my parents and I truly love spending time with them.  But I was living the life of a 60 yr old (if you looked at my social life).  I was sad and depressed and gaining weight like a sumo wrestler.  I worked and went home and that was about the it. 

Oh the difference a year makes! 

I survived spraining my ankle so bad it took 6 months to fully heal (December).  

I survived the pain that came from being dropped like trash by two of my closest friends on the planet (December through February).  

I survived that horrible bridal shower, where I was treated like a servant - as in, invisible.  Seriously.  The girl I threw the party for didn't even introduce me to anyone.  And her mom and sister spent the entire day planning her "real" shower (being held the next month) right there in front of me.  They even mentioned taking the extra goody bags with them to give to their friends; talk about classy!  (February, Happy Valentines!!)  No, in case you were wondering, I did not attend the wedding.  In fact, I'd been prepared (happily after that damn shower) to be excluded from the guest list all together; imagine my shock when I received an invitation.

I survived moving our offices and all sorts of work-related drama (March & April).  And of course I survived more Granny Drama than I'm going to even attempt to list here.

But as the year moved on into spring, things started to improve.  Some of it was helped along by time.  Any sort of break-up, even one with a friend, takes time to get over.  A few months go by and you suddenly realize that you aren't sad anymore.  Rather, you're relieved that you aren't being dragged down by icky people.  You've learned to be comfortable alone again.  And you realize that maybe it's time to start coming out of your hobbit hole.

My ass started to shrink, thanks to regular workout sessions, and my social circle started to expand, thanks to Facebook and some awesome women that I still can not BELIEVE that I ever lost touch with.  Okay, yeah, and I started dating again.  Let's face it - even a bad awful weird first date can be an ego boost when the guy tells you that you're pretty.  I had several dates where that happened.  One in particular ranks as my worst date EVER (and if you know my history, you know just how horrid it had to be) and still, it did some good. 

Life isn't perfect - life is incapable of being perfect.  But I have a lot to be thankful for.  My family, adopted, blood relations, and everything in between, is kind of awesome.  Ok, yes, we have more than our fair share of drama queens and problem children, but as a whole it works.  My job, while perhaps not my dream job, is good and steady and solid and the people are very cool.  For all that the Granny Situation makes me want to tear out my hair daily, it's also taught me some great lessons regarding patience and keeping my temper in check and not saying things in anger.  I'm spending loads of time with people that I can actually trust - there's no strings, people say what they mean and do what they say, it's drama free, with no undercurrents or backstabbing.  How many people can say that their mom is one of their best friends?  Or that the girls they had breakfast with are folks they've known since 2nd grade?  Do you know how rare it is to have a cosmic twin?   

Here's hoping that things continue to improve!

And they did!  Imagine that!

• Here I am, still dealing with Granny but not living with Granny anymore...
• Engaged .... soon to be a WIFE if you can believe it...
• A cat parent to the most adorable and fluffy giant kitten ever...
• Practically an aunt to 16 kiddos, to be an actual official aunt in October (on top of the 3 on my side of the family)...
• A Fairy God Mother to a few more ...
• And best of all, still hanging out with those same awesome women I mentioned above (plus a few more).

He attacked the camera about 2 seconds after this was snapped.

What's weird is, all of the girls and I have similar stories about friendships from college and throughout our twenties not standing the test of time.  And similar experiences getting over friend break-ups.  Give me a break-up with a boyfriend any day over parting ways with a girl who you thought you could trust; ouch!  

There will be recipes in the days to come; and maybe a few rants about the crap involved with planning a wedding.  It's time to get back to what I love - and I love the food!  I'm also finding that I rather adore home-improvement/craft projects and gardening; who knows, maybe this food pusher will be branching out in the coming months...

Talk to you all soon!